Having children has brought out the worst in me

.. or 5 personality traits I would prefer to hide. These sides of my nature need to be buried once more and only exhumed when I need to laugh and not exert my will.

1. My Inner Screaming Banshee

.......or not so inner anymore. I have become a fishwife and shout when it really doesn't make any difference but psychologically it helps, or so I believe. I have tried the breathe and count to 10 thing but it doesn't help. There are times when shouting seems like the only option but maybe I need to think more carefully first.

2. My Inner Drama Queen

I have always had a penchant for the dramatic but having children has really shown my acting abilities are still amateurish. I utter such statements/ questions, as:

"I do not understand why people think reproduction is a good idea."
"I have had enough of children."
"I want to be an adult"

This last one is particularly worrying as it so blatantly childish. It is a cry for help. Staying at home with the girls is the most challenging job I have ever had and probably ever likely to hold. I will never get an Oscar for my performances so I best leave acting to talents that warrant the accolade.


3. My Inner Control Freak

"There are 2 ways of doing things", as my paternal Grandmother said, "mine and the wrong." It has happened it my household that I make most of the rules and am a firm believer of limits for children but sometimes I can be draconian in my measures.

"Because I said so" is without doubt the most useless of reasons but still gets used with alarming regularity. I know that with young children you are the voice of authority and lengthy explanations are not necessary as abstract thoughts are still anomalous but I may need to fine-tune my reasons pretty soon.

4. My Inner Fashionista

I have a limited sense of style and this is freely admitted. Black and denim seem to the extent of my knowledge but when my daughter mixes colours, shades and fabrics that make psychedelia look muted why do I not thank her for getting dressed and expressing her own style rather than reacting less positively ? Next time I will embrace her choices and be glad of one less battle.

5.My Inner Hermit

Some would say this was not a bad trait to wish to hide from the world but it runs contrary to being a musician and performing. I think raising children brings these contradictions to the fore.

I know that we change once we have them but can never really quantify how. We just know we are tired and never really get to spend time in ways that was common place before the advent of the little people.

What to do? Laugh, I suppose and ridicule myself. I am human and therefore fallible. I am also in need of coffee.