For some the question of staying at home or going back to work once a child has arrived is easy to answer: financial necessity. The mother has to go back to work but may feel slightly differently about work whilst being away from the little ones. A promising career, solid opportunities to advance professionally, or just a sense of not wanting to lose identity and independence may indeed clinch the deal for not staying at home.
I fall in a different category all together. I honestly believe that I should raise my own daughters but now find it harder to do so as the years have gone by. There are days which are full of reproductive regrets but then most parents feel that way at times. Were I to go back to work soon (it is on the cards) I would be filled with latent Catholic guilt (Dad is lapsed) but this should be balanced with my brother's atheism.
I have been at home for over 5 years and I am really finding it tough to find my place and find an identity that is not linked to small children. Thank heavens for the band and all the fun associated with it. There are days when I consider that I am losing the tenuous grip I have on my sanity. My sense of me seems to have all but diminished and I find myself having to justify my position of raising my girls. Am I justifying it to myself? I was on a site sharing a profile and could not bear to put that I was a Stay-at-home- Mum (SAM) so I used a different profession.
I did have a job and profession before kids (teaching) and I crave it but then know that I would miss out on the girls and their developments. It is also such a short time in the grand scheme of things but it drags. Luckily teaching is a profession that is always looking for people.
When I see the girls and see what they can do and how they have blossomed I know that I have had a huge part in that and soon enough I will not be having the same influence.
OK I could quit the whining and make a decision but I find it so hard think about leaving the girls then knowing that I would love it so much once I did- back to the guilt thing.
I suppose it boils down to finding time for me and making sure that I do not forget who I am. There is no I in mother just me.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
Roadtrip!!!! Vegas Baby Yeah!
The initial enthusiasm for a road trip is somewhat contagious- the thrill of exploring new places, to boldly go (is that copyrighted yet?), planning a route, setting off and watching the scenery go by. The clocking up of miles just makes the destination so much closer that you can almost taste it.
This is quite a normal reaction unless you happen to be in a car with small children when it feels slightly different:"Are we there yet?" seems to be the favourite battle cry which only angers parents as they answer through gritted teeth that it is not that much further. At this juncture a little white lie is a good thing and a salvation in many a tricky situation.
OK so maybe it is unfair to drive 500 miles in one day and expect it to go swimmingly. Children do not want to sit still nor do they understand that the journey is part of the whole adventure. We had games, snacks, toys, songs- thank you Tom Paxton- and jokes but still it was a long trip.
Having reached the destination it is not always easy to just relax as new surroundings means new things on which to climb which can offer all manner of adventures, she says ironically.
First we stayed with friends, luckily who had children so could understand but then we ventured to coastal Oregon to a yurt. ($27 a night in tranquil surroundings- can't beat it) The younger daughter is by nature a climber, adventurer and explorer so we had our work cut out for us. The great outdoors held her interest and showed us how easily she can scale bunk beds, hide, and run away from us.
The elder daughter decided to show that she was away from home and therefore could behave badly; tantrums are not fun at any age and I completely understand why parents drink and smoke.
It wasn't all that bad at the end of the day. Our eldest daughter showed how she could fly a kite and the youngest's speech improved dramatically plus we got to see just how skilled she is as a mountaineer without there being one in sight. Both girls loved the outdoors and were so full of enthusiasm for the beach and all adventures it could possibly hold. Daddy proved to be a fine bucking bronco and the echoing strains of their laughter made it all so magical.
I have just one caveat- should you travel with small children make sure you have a holiday afterwards to recover.
This is quite a normal reaction unless you happen to be in a car with small children when it feels slightly different:"Are we there yet?" seems to be the favourite battle cry which only angers parents as they answer through gritted teeth that it is not that much further. At this juncture a little white lie is a good thing and a salvation in many a tricky situation.
OK so maybe it is unfair to drive 500 miles in one day and expect it to go swimmingly. Children do not want to sit still nor do they understand that the journey is part of the whole adventure. We had games, snacks, toys, songs- thank you Tom Paxton- and jokes but still it was a long trip.
Having reached the destination it is not always easy to just relax as new surroundings means new things on which to climb which can offer all manner of adventures, she says ironically.
First we stayed with friends, luckily who had children so could understand but then we ventured to coastal Oregon to a yurt. ($27 a night in tranquil surroundings- can't beat it) The younger daughter is by nature a climber, adventurer and explorer so we had our work cut out for us. The great outdoors held her interest and showed us how easily she can scale bunk beds, hide, and run away from us.
The elder daughter decided to show that she was away from home and therefore could behave badly; tantrums are not fun at any age and I completely understand why parents drink and smoke.
It wasn't all that bad at the end of the day. Our eldest daughter showed how she could fly a kite and the youngest's speech improved dramatically plus we got to see just how skilled she is as a mountaineer without there being one in sight. Both girls loved the outdoors and were so full of enthusiasm for the beach and all adventures it could possibly hold. Daddy proved to be a fine bucking bronco and the echoing strains of their laughter made it all so magical.
I have just one caveat- should you travel with small children make sure you have a holiday afterwards to recover.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
A Voice In The Wilderness
Can anyone hear me? Am I alone? Does it matter if I speak? Should I have an opinion? Why do I think I have anything to say that is worth reading?
OK, as one of the least diligent bloggers I do wonder why I set this up. I had such grandiose plans of typing a quick entry each night after the kids had been put to bed but that didn't happen. This was not supposed to be a magnum opus but ramblings of a stay-at-home mother who figured this to be an online diary.
Penmanship is a lost art these days- now I sound old and yes policemen do look young to me- and it is easier to type or text rather than sit down with pen and paper. Enter blogging- everyone is doing it ! Traditional barriers have been broken as language use has changed and there is no longer a feeling that only the educated can express an opinion. The internet is for hoi polloi.
As technology has been more obvious and prevalent it seems like communities have become defined by the online world. Families have become fractured for one reason or another, members moving away, and people are trying to connect on a different level. The internet is becoming our family through forums, chat sites, etc. as we are further away from our own whether this be a physical or emotional distance.
We are seeking identity and the ability to communicate on a wider scale hoping that somewhere in the wilderness we will find others who will be able to laugh with us, advise and sympathise.
A perfect example of this is the way we raise children. (N.B. 'nowadays' was missing but boy did I want to put it there). In days of yore, even a generation ago, the primary contact for all things relating to children was MUM. She knew, had experienced and more importantly had survived the trials and tribulations of child-rearing. Who do we go to now? The internet, of course. A faceless entity that strangely seems familiar and welcoming. It is not judgmental but does not have chocolate biscuits, a glass of wine and a tissue should we need it.
Is this better than before? I doubt it. We are all insecure in our own ways but the fact that people are ready to bear their soul to strangers somehow helps and gives comfort. I am conflicted about internet advice but that is my problem. I speak to my mother every day and ask all manner of questions and then seek out other answers from this other world. Guess what- Mum is usually right.
This is all a round about way of apologising for being bad at something. I had hoped to write more. That, alas, sounds more like an epitaph ...." hoped for more" but is not meant to be. I just wanted to ramble and hope that I was not alone in the way I felt or dealt with things.
Having an opinion is a good thing- share it and it doesn't matter if it took a while to type it.
OK, as one of the least diligent bloggers I do wonder why I set this up. I had such grandiose plans of typing a quick entry each night after the kids had been put to bed but that didn't happen. This was not supposed to be a magnum opus but ramblings of a stay-at-home mother who figured this to be an online diary.
Penmanship is a lost art these days- now I sound old and yes policemen do look young to me- and it is easier to type or text rather than sit down with pen and paper. Enter blogging- everyone is doing it ! Traditional barriers have been broken as language use has changed and there is no longer a feeling that only the educated can express an opinion. The internet is for hoi polloi.
As technology has been more obvious and prevalent it seems like communities have become defined by the online world. Families have become fractured for one reason or another, members moving away, and people are trying to connect on a different level. The internet is becoming our family through forums, chat sites, etc. as we are further away from our own whether this be a physical or emotional distance.
We are seeking identity and the ability to communicate on a wider scale hoping that somewhere in the wilderness we will find others who will be able to laugh with us, advise and sympathise.
A perfect example of this is the way we raise children. (N.B. 'nowadays' was missing but boy did I want to put it there). In days of yore, even a generation ago, the primary contact for all things relating to children was MUM. She knew, had experienced and more importantly had survived the trials and tribulations of child-rearing. Who do we go to now? The internet, of course. A faceless entity that strangely seems familiar and welcoming. It is not judgmental but does not have chocolate biscuits, a glass of wine and a tissue should we need it.
Is this better than before? I doubt it. We are all insecure in our own ways but the fact that people are ready to bear their soul to strangers somehow helps and gives comfort. I am conflicted about internet advice but that is my problem. I speak to my mother every day and ask all manner of questions and then seek out other answers from this other world. Guess what- Mum is usually right.
This is all a round about way of apologising for being bad at something. I had hoped to write more. That, alas, sounds more like an epitaph ...." hoped for more" but is not meant to be. I just wanted to ramble and hope that I was not alone in the way I felt or dealt with things.
Having an opinion is a good thing- share it and it doesn't matter if it took a while to type it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)