My last posting had been about making a profit from a blog when the one before had been about the loss of a child. It almost felt as if I were trivialising such a tragic event but nothing can be further from the truth.
I have spent so much time thinking about the loss of this child and have had to just get on with things as I do not want my own girls to know what I am thinking. I believe I should shield them from the harsher sides of life.
This made me think of how the parents, my friends, are dealing. Do they just put on a brave face when they don't feel like going on? Are they shielding their daughter, naturally, and finding explanations of a sibling's absence unbelievably painful?
How are they coping with reactions from others? Have they been supported or have they wanted to punch someone who suggested that heaven had a new angel? I know I would have violent thoughts at a well-intentioned yet badly placed remark.
What hit me hardest was the milestones that had been anticipated: first smile, first Christmas, first steps, etc. but would never materialise. This year is going to be so tough as there is so much that should have happened but won't, constant reminders of what should have been. Christmas will be very strange this year for the family and I just don't know how they get through the days.
I am at a loss myself to begin to comprehend their pain.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Blogging it Mummy Style
I was reading an article in the SF Chronicle- a poor example of journalism at best- and there was an article about Mothers blogging. It will hardly come as a surprise that mothers are more likely than other demographics to blog as they wish to vent having spent time with the little darlings (I use the term advisedly). What surprised me was how much money was to be made from this venture.
OK I can be naive and rather dense at times but had thought that the blog was an arena to just communicate not profit. There I go sounding all bohemian. Other mothers' blogs have been entertaining but I just saw them as a a reflection rather than product. There were ladies who were raking it in and living comfortably off the income from their blog. As one lady wrote you get little respect when you don't earn any money. Try being a musician and writer !
Once again I thought a blog was something you wrote when you had a few moments as you wanted to just have time to gather your thoughts and put them out there in the hope that someone would read them and not a professional venture. Looks like I missed the point then.
I have not regaled the world with tales of breastfeeding partly because I gave up over a year ago and wondered who would find it interesting. There have been days when the girls have driven me to distraction and I have wanted to take up smoking or at least sit in a darkened room and tally the number of years until the little angels went to college.
How would I put this blog into a product? T-shirts- slogans- Mummy knows best? Memoirs- the trying years? Oh dear what next?
I just like rambling and have no head for business as is obvious but I love the idea that there is solidarity amongst stay-at-home mothers in whatever form. We need to support each other through good and bad times and raise a glass to something no matter how trivial.
Talking of trivial it is time to cook dinner, unsaddle and feed the high horse and keep the superhero cape hidden until it is really needed.
OK I can be naive and rather dense at times but had thought that the blog was an arena to just communicate not profit. There I go sounding all bohemian. Other mothers' blogs have been entertaining but I just saw them as a a reflection rather than product. There were ladies who were raking it in and living comfortably off the income from their blog. As one lady wrote you get little respect when you don't earn any money. Try being a musician and writer !
Once again I thought a blog was something you wrote when you had a few moments as you wanted to just have time to gather your thoughts and put them out there in the hope that someone would read them and not a professional venture. Looks like I missed the point then.
I have not regaled the world with tales of breastfeeding partly because I gave up over a year ago and wondered who would find it interesting. There have been days when the girls have driven me to distraction and I have wanted to take up smoking or at least sit in a darkened room and tally the number of years until the little angels went to college.
How would I put this blog into a product? T-shirts- slogans- Mummy knows best? Memoirs- the trying years? Oh dear what next?
I just like rambling and have no head for business as is obvious but I love the idea that there is solidarity amongst stay-at-home mothers in whatever form. We need to support each other through good and bad times and raise a glass to something no matter how trivial.
Talking of trivial it is time to cook dinner, unsaddle and feed the high horse and keep the superhero cape hidden until it is really needed.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Loss
I had a great email from an old and dear friend of mine. I love getting his emails as they are so funny and adventurous. He is a helicopter instructor in the Navy so his life is slightly different from mine and I love the way he spins a yarn. We've been friends for almost 20 years and I am god-mother to his daughter, a delightful little thing.
As I read with amusement about his most recent trip overseas his email took a sharp and unexpected turn.
He informed me that they were mourning the loss of their second daughter. I was unaware that his wife was pregnant but to hear news of this nature shook and still does and I am not the emotional type.
The little lady was born 13 weeks premature with complications and lived for an hour; 60 minutes of life. All the hopes of being a sibling, a laughing little bundle of mischief and the possibility of being a responsible adult who could change the world were shattered and with it I expect the lives of the parents. How do you put on a brave face for your other daughter when inside you feel like you have been ripped apart?
I don't know what to say to my friend and his wife and that is all I can say. I just wish I could do something. I am a mother myself so this kind of loss is unfathomable. I don't know the pain they are suffering or how they can pick themselves up and face life knowing that they are missing one family member.
Is life fair? No. Do we realise what we have? No. Do we ever really love like it is our last day? No.
My heart goes out to them and to everyone who has lost someone.
As I read with amusement about his most recent trip overseas his email took a sharp and unexpected turn.
He informed me that they were mourning the loss of their second daughter. I was unaware that his wife was pregnant but to hear news of this nature shook and still does and I am not the emotional type.
The little lady was born 13 weeks premature with complications and lived for an hour; 60 minutes of life. All the hopes of being a sibling, a laughing little bundle of mischief and the possibility of being a responsible adult who could change the world were shattered and with it I expect the lives of the parents. How do you put on a brave face for your other daughter when inside you feel like you have been ripped apart?
I don't know what to say to my friend and his wife and that is all I can say. I just wish I could do something. I am a mother myself so this kind of loss is unfathomable. I don't know the pain they are suffering or how they can pick themselves up and face life knowing that they are missing one family member.
Is life fair? No. Do we realise what we have? No. Do we ever really love like it is our last day? No.
My heart goes out to them and to everyone who has lost someone.
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